It would seem to me that the Gay community would benefit by making open-gay-service in the military a priority political move before pushing for same sex marriage.
Why?
Because being willing to serve in the military gives a level of prestige and status to the population that provides that service that is not otherwise available.
Martin Luther King Jr. understood that reality and he put veterans dressed in uniform at the front of all his marches. The message is simple: 'We served our country, now treat us as equals.'