This is a recent Dear Abby column:
WOMAN WHO'S A REAL CATCH HAS TROUBLE FINDING ANGLERS
DEAR ABBY: Call me confident, but I know I am a real catch. But for the life of me, I can't get a date with the "right" kind of guy.
Abby, I am beautiful inside and out. I was raised in a great family with good morals, I'm kind to everyone, I've got a killer personality, great sense of humor, an inspiring attitude, and the glass is always half-full.
This may seem cocky, but my two problems with men are: I seem to attract creeps, and the kind of men I deserve don't think they've got a shot in hell, so they don't ask me out.
Most of the dates and relationships I've had have happened because I asked the other person out. I've been in two major relationships with very attractive, bright men, and I'd like to experience that again.
I'm so sick of meeting creeps! I really want someone in my league. I've been told a thousand times that I'm gorgeous, stunning, or asked why I'm not modeling. Yesterday someone called me Miss America. I'm well-read and in tune with the arts, smart and funny. Where are the male equivalents? -- DATELESS 23-YEAR-OLD
DEAR DATELESS: They died of altitude sickness, trying to climb the pedestal you have placed yourself on. You have described your obvious selling points, but what about the quality of your character? Are you nice to people who don't want anything from you? Are you giving? Sensitive? Can you compromise? Are you interested in other people?
Perfection does not exist in anyone. And the sooner you become less preoccupied with your own perfection, the more likely it is that you'll meet your male "equivalent."
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Abby,
I'll let you in on a male secret. Dateless is actually a great catch
but she will never understand the problem by asking you or any other
woman. Dateless is in the category of "really beautiful" women. Most
women don't understand that that category of women get "really
different" treatment.
Most appealing, competent, intelligent men will avoid "really beautiful" women because they know they will be turned down. Really beautiful women spend their entire lives fighting off men, so only the most persistent, aggressive and most obsessive men will pursue them.
The correct advice for Dateless would be: pick the man you want, virtually any man, then you approach him. He won't believe his good luck, so you'll have to convince him you are not a hooker and not crazy. But when you pursue him, with just a little effort, you will find him to be wonderful, loyal and everything he appears to be.
I know many beautiful and smart women in their 40s and 50s who never figured this out.