Steven Miller has a book out this month called Conversation: A History of a Declining Art. Absurd title because conversational art has always been a precious skill of interest to a small minority of people, the idea of measuring it over time and space makes little sense.
The numerous reviews of Miller’s book has provoked my response.
I was recently at a party with a dozen people, ten of whom were strangers to me but I had a marvelous time. One reason: everyone who came was gregarious and conversationally talented. Some were conversationally gifted.
I vowed after that party....
I vowed after that party to only go to social gatherings where people know the art of conversation.
One of my friends and I always talk about the nature of conversation. We have jointly concluded that conversational style is the single best predictor of couples. Couples are created out of conversational comfort; its more important than sexual chemistry, more important than social background and more important than religion.
I once had a lover who was a socialite. I always enjoyed going to
parties with her. The guests were wonderful at conversation. I could
talk for hours about subjects of little interest to me, like horses and
clothes. Conversation is not inherently about content, it is about
mutual attention and the power of immediacy.
Immediacy is an interesting word and the meaning is important. Im is
without. Immediate is without media. Immediacy is unmediated direct
communication. It is more than words, because words are adjusted to
the mutual dialog. I have friends with whom I talk and complex words,
allusions and poetic language flow freely between us. With others that
is not true.
Linguists have found that the length of words in a conversation rapidly become symmetrical. With one person many words are short, with others there are more longer multi-syllable words. Conversation is about un-mediated dialog that is carried on above the actual words.
Of course, conversation is even more powerful, vital and exciting when there is meaningful content.